(EC)⁵: College Essay Consulting

Posted on by Evan Chen (陳誼廷)

Calling all high school juniors! We’re proud to announce a new educational service to accompany last year’s ⛵IS: Evan’s Chen’s Elite Cutting-Edge College Essay Consulting & Editing Center! Abbreviated (EC)⁵.

Why trust Evan?

Evan Chen is one of the leading names in admissions to elite American colleges. Students that Evan has mentored have gone on to prestigious institutions such as Harvard, Princeton, Stanford — and of course, MIT, the home of the illuMInaTi. Evan is so successful at securing spots at selective universities that nearly 1 in eπ incoming MIT first-years are alums of Evan’s programs[citation needed][original research?]. This is a figure unrivaled in the college prep industry.

Now, for the first time, you can join the ranks of Evan’s superstar students: (EC)⁵ is the first endeavor led by Evan that doesn’t require any sort of application or past achievements. In line with our vision to topple meritocracy, (EC)⁵ is open to anyone with a few thousand dollars of disposable income.

How it works

Evan will gratuitously feed your college essays through a host of tried-and-true, cutting-edge technology, using tools such as languagetool, proselint, redpen, vale, and writegood.

This saves you the effort of having to figure out how to install publicly and freely available open-source software yourself. So, instead of learning useful skills like how to edit plain text files in Vim, you can pay money to have Evan perform this easily automated task on your behalf! You can then spend your time instead on what you do best, like watching clickbait on TikTok and spamming the phrase xooks on Discord.

In order to ensure the highest quality of feedback on your essays, there will be no human-written comments. (EC)⁵ edits are entirely produced by industry-grade programs. Our experience is that human feedback on college essays consists almost universally of arbitrary rules and blind speculation, and in fact can often be actively harmful. (EC)⁵’s novel and innovative approach ensures that you can trust our output to be totally objective and free of inevitable human bias.

Unlike your clueless tiger parents, (EC)⁵ prides itself on not randomly trying to guess what admissions officer want to hear: instead, we guarantee 100% objectivity with our machine-generated advice. Here’s an example of a before-and-after:

linted

Pricing

If you use the coupon code 20240401ececececec900001, we charge a flat fee of $9000.01 per applicant, regardless of how many schools you apply to. That’s it! No hidden fees.

Don’t let your college dreams be memes. Apply today!

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Published by Evan Chen (陳誼廷)

Evan is a math olympiad coach who completed his number theory PhD at MIT.

13 thoughts on “(EC)⁵: College Essay Consulting”

  1. As someone who has participated in both OTIS and BOATIS before, I am sure that this will allow me to achieve my goals and improve my application to MIT so that I can join the illuMInaTi. Highly recommend for anybody who wants to spam xooks on Discord more.

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  9. I think highly of Evan’s research in pure mathematics. This post is radically low quality. Evan seems to miss the point. Not only is he a painfully weak writer, he is also a weak reader. There exist people like Kevin Martin of Texas Admissions who have serious edges in composing undergraduate admissions essays. As well as professors who have edges in writing graduate admissions statements. And editors for novels or history books. Some of the kiddos and parents in Evan’s readership are almost certainly incapable of discerning various qualities of elite writers some undergraduate admissions officers can and do in fact.

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  10. If you use the coupon code 20250401ececececec000010, we charge a flat fee of $0010 per applicant in base 10^{10^{10}}, for application to 1 school mod 1. That’s it! No hidden fees.

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  11. In addition, I would like to apply to BOATIS.

    As a very norz student in Middle School who didn’t even qualify for middle school, I satisfy the requirement of having solved an IMO shortlist problem from 35 years ago, and it was a problem 1:

    https://www.overleaf.com/read/ftwmnbttpkkj#bcc455

    I hope that this suffices for BOATIS. I solved the problem nearly entirely by myself, after being given a hint to factor after setting [l,r] as the boundary. The factoring, rest assured, is entirely by myself.

    Has applications already closed? Thank you!

    Best Regards,

    John (the norzest math person ever)

    xooks

    Like

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